I’m a frequent faller, its a fact of life
I’m a frequent faller
I’m a frequent faller, its all because I have multiple sclerosis. My left leg is the culprit, I have drop foot and drop leg. It must have started sometime in the 1990’s, my diagnosis was in 1996. What started as an occasional trivial event now has a major impact on my life. At first the front of my left shoe would sometimes catch on a bump in the pavement causing me to stumble. Now my foot is an anchor and I cannot lift my leg off the ground.
The beginning
I recall running in a race for fathers when my children were at primary school in the early 90’s. It was probably a short sprint and I was doing OK. Suddenly I was a heap on the grass. I got up, crossed the finishing line and was a dignified last. Looking back I think my feet must have got into an MS tangle.
After diagnosis
In 2000 our family went on a 20 mile walk and we got back home I also cooked supper. I had so much energy in those days A couple of years later strange things began to happen to me. If I put one foot in front of the other, heel-to-toe walk then I struggled to keep my balance. When walking along a corridor I wobbled and again I could not walk in a straight line. At the time I was in total denial about my MS so no one knew about these problems.
Walking with a wobble
After 2000 I was working abroad so flew to and from Europe every week. Getting on and off a moving pavement, the sort you get at airports, needed full concentration. Carrying a bag became impossible but pulling luggage on wheels gave me stability and confidence. Another problem then started to make my life difficult. Lifting the suitcase up and putting it into the overhead locker in the plane was a bit of a lottery. Luckily no one was hurt.
I continued to work but it became more difficult. I did have the odd fall, my balance deteriorated
I’m a frequent faller
In 2012 I took medical retirement, in the space of twelve months everything changed ☹. Foot drop turned into a visible disability so I needed a walking stick to help me. MrsB found the MuSmate on the internet, I now needed it because of chronic foot drop. I was fitted with an FES (functional electrical stimulator) in 2014 and even now that is a big help.
My balance soon began to deteriorate and leg drop did not help. I needed help to put my mobility scooter onto the train, now I drive up a ramp. A wheeled walker became a necessary part of my life, so I couldn’t carry anything when walking. I could not get into a car seat feet first, instead I had to sit down and swing my legs in. I was banned from gardening for my own safety.
The real consequences
I have dislocated one or the other shoulder at least half a dozen times. On one occasion I needed surgery to repair the rotator cuff in my left shoulder. I must not walk and talk. In fact I cannot stand or walk unaided. All of this happened within 6 years of taking medical retirement.
So now my left foot is like an anchor because I cannot lift my leg off the ground. Everyone says I’m a frequent faller You need to live it to appreciate the problems.
Photograph courtesy of Anna Shvets, pexels.com
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What is sad is how the able-bodied react when a fellow employee has disabilities and gets a mobility aide that makes their daily life better. I was glad to get my 1st rollator walker because it steadied me, gave me a seat to rest on when needed, and had storage for my laptop [as I never knew which cubicle would be mine for the workday].
When I arrived with my walker at the office, I overheard a next-door cubicle employee ask my boss, “What’s up with THAT next-door?” He meant my new walker. My boss then whispered a reply.
[I already knew the writing on the wall that I would be let go soon. It was very apparent that I did not fit their company’s image of work fitness.]
The week prior, the junior manager took me on a walk over to the company’s other building for a meeting. Halfway there as I used my cane and tried to keep up with his quick pace, he asked if I could climb stairs because the office was on the 2nd floor and that building had no elevator. I answered that I could but would need to rest as I did so.
Most of the able-bodied don’t think about the hassles of living with a disability until it hits them personally. So they don’t think of those who have them, except as an after-thought.
But those work experiences hardened me and made me stronger inside as a person. It educated me on how to accurately “read” others and quantify their internal moral codes and levels of humanity.
That company had many members who failed my own moral code and ethical standards. I was relieved to finally be let go. I freelance now and choose my clients very wisely.
Medical retirement in the U.S. is an arduous process of claim forms, special lawyers, hearings, and denials. If one gets approved for it, it does not provide a liveable income for a single person, sad to say.
Hello Alison,
Able people do not understand or see the problems of a disability, even the really obvious ones like two steps in a restaurant. I have encountered this blindness both socially and in the workplace. I find ones in the workplace more offensive because people have made up their mind before rejecting you and the people really ought to know better.
In the UK things are slowly getting better but it is all very patchy and the attitude of some people is beyond comprehension. It is a case of shouting loudly and sometimes being rude. I do get very frustrated at how blind, ignorant and sometimes rude people can be. Even worse sometimes it is intentional but my skin is quite thick these days
yes i’m a frequent faller too. I bounce off walls like a pinball and have a thing I call ‘glue foot’, it’s when I am walking and one of my feet doesn’t lift off the floor so over I go.
Hello Ivan,
Yup, I know the feeling only too well, that’s why I must concentrate, concentrate and concentrate